Tie Your Camel

I sometimes get mildly irritated when someone says ‘You just want to have your cake and eat it’. Well of course I do! I presumably have the cake because I want to ruddy eat it. I don’t buy a cake to stare at it longingly and whisper sweet nothings into its icing.

Someone brought this expression up recently (or I’ve just decided to blog about it and I’m using ’someone’ as a subtle narrative device) and I explained it to him as I have done to anyone else I’ve encountered: it’s better said ‘to eat your cake and have it (too)’. This is not something hard to discover on a quick google search. Wikipedia’s got an explanation here, the choice bits being:

The phrase’s earliest recording is from 1546 as “wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?” (John Heywood’s ‘A dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue’) alluding to the impossibility of eating your cake and still having it afterwards; the modern version (where the clauses are reversed) is a corruption which was first signaled in 1812.

So remember – from now on impress your friends and family and become the life of parties everywhere by saying “eat your cake and have it” and then deconstruct the inevitable surely-you-means that will follow. Or play New Super Mario Bros Wii instead (why not eat your cake and have it by doing both?).

About four months ago I was invited to watch a long preview of James Cameron’s hugely expensive ‘Avatar’. I predicted it would be ‘Pocahontas in Space’. I continued:

Civilised-but-crippled (just physically?) white man gets out of his depth in an alien world, has his life saved by a native woman (with a strange accent!), slowly assimilates into their culture and way of living managing inexplicably to better the natives at their own way of life before, for some reason, the white civilised culture (with token ethnic characters) tries to ’save’ or attempts to eradicate the native population.  

It turns out I was exactly right. If you’re looking for a highly-original plot, Avatar’s not the film for you. But then Cameron’s speciality isn’t really originality; it’s the ability to take a cliche and make it fun, exciting and interesting. And I have to admit that I was misguided in my expectations. I thought the film would be terrible. I was wrong. It’s an awesome cliched monster of a film that is best enjoyed in a cinema with a big screen.

So what is it really all about? A former marine, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), gets roped into working with the ‘Avatar Program’ on an alien world (’Pandora’ – what will happen when we open up this box I wonder!). The program’s a corporate-bought scientific exploration into the planet’s native flora, fauna and ‘indigenous’. Sully’s role? To replace his brother (and save the company money regrowing an ‘Avatar’) and to use his marine expertise to safeguard the science crews. He also has another mission: to spy on the indigenes to find a way to remove them from their central home-place; a giant tree called ‘the Mother Tree’. In this he’s enlisted by a hard-ass Patton-type character, Colonol Quaritch (Stephen Lang) and Mr Big Corporate Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi).

Nothing original here. Cold-hearted Sully, uncaring cog in the colonial machine lives with the indigenes for a while and ‘goes native’. He realises how awesome their way of life is and does all he can to protect it. He bests the natives at their own game and becomes a demi-God/chieftain in the process. We’ve seen it all before: Pocahontas, Dances With Wolves, The Last Samurai etc.

The dialogue is not great and at times it’s pretty atrocious. The actors manage to lift the film above its hideous script and the awkwardness sometimes becomes more convincing when delivered by any of the ‘Na’vi’ or Sam Worthington. Subtlety isn’t really present in this film’s themes. The indigenes are more in tune with the environment than the colonisers who view them as savages? Well I never! I have expected the characters to burst into ‘Colors of the Wind’. There are even some Ferngully-esque bulldozers romping around.

The CG, however, is top-notch – monumental even. But then again what did we expect from a Cameron film? He’s gone beyond the CG and created an entire eco-system. Although the Biological Internet and hair connections aren’t very convincing, he’s at least consistent. Most of the animals have six legs, suggesting a common ancestry. The flora is lush and varied.

This is not really a film – it’s a spectacle. I doubt it would be as interesting on the small screen (yes, even in HD on our large HD Televisions). It needs a large, clear screen, a set of 3D glasses and a throbbing sound from high-quality speakers. You don’t want to over-analyse it; just enjoy the ride. Go watch it while it’s still available!

Rating:

Rating:  

NB – I would have rated this film more highly had it had something resembling decent dialogue. As it stands it’s really good fun but not much more. It should make an excellent game but, apparently, the tie-in they’ve licensed is predictably terrible (tie-in curse). Perhaps an MMORPG will some day be in the works?

If you’re interested in the work of ‘nouvelle vague’ director Jean-Luc Godard, you mustn’t miss the chance to catch his classic film ‘2 or 3 Things I Know About Her‘ (’2 ou 3 choses que je sais d’elle’) free on The Auteurs today. You can find it here: http://www.theauteurs.com/stellaartois (18+, UK Only).

It’s a fantastic film and the last free French classic on the Auteurs. You can now watch the previous films featured in the festival (for a fee) to watch on demand on the Auteurs now.

If you’re interested in the work of ‘nouvelle vague’ director Chris Marker, you mustn’t miss the chance to catch his classic film ‘La Jetée‘ free on The Auteurs today. You can find it here: http://bit.ly/tasrd(18+, UK Only). It was the inspiration behind Gilliam’s great ‘12 Monkeys’ and is an excellent example of a ‘photo-roman’. Fans of French cinema or sci-fi classic shouldn’t miss this opportunity!

If you’re a fan of Jean-Luc Godard or any cinema from ‘la nouvelle vague’ in general, you should take the opportunity to watch what is one of his best films, for free on independent/classic film website ‘The Auteurs’. You can watch it here: http://www.theauteurs.com/stellaartois (18+, UK Only)

They’re showing ‘La jetée’ tomorrow, which is a great film and the inspiration behind ‘Twelve Monkeys’.

You can’t go a week without reading another story about the wealthy threatening to leave our shores because of something or another. ‘Taxes are too high!’ cry the bankers and glitterati. Tracey Emin has decided to join the whining droves, per BBC:

The government’s 50p tax rate for incomes of more than £150,000 will be introduced in April.

Emin said she is considering France because she thinks it has lower taxes and appreciates the arts more.

She said: “So much here is simply not working now. The taxes are too high, there aren’t enough incentives to work hard, and our politicians have put me off. We’re paying through the nose for everything.”

‘Importance of culture’

Referring to the new tax, she said: “I reckon it would mean me paying about 65p in every pound with tax, National Insurance and so on.“

Oops. Someone doesn’t understand how income tax in the UK works.

Income tax is not levied at a fixed rate. It is charged in bands. Your first £6,475 (current allowance) is not taxed. From £6,475 to £37,400 you’ll pay tax at a rate of 20% which means of the £30,925 you will pay £6,185 in tax. Above £37,400 you’ll pay at a rate of 40%. The proposed limit for the 50p tax band is £150,000. So, from £37,400 to £150,000 you’ll pay £45,040 on £112,600. Let’s say you earn £200,000, to create an example of what happens with tax, you’ll pay £25,000 tax on the £50,000 above £150,000.  This means that out of £200,000 you’ll pay £76,225 in tax, or a total of 38.11% of your total income.

Now what about National Insurance? Well if you’re employed you won’t really have worried about it, because it all happens on the employer’s end. It’s probably just a figure you look at on your pay slip. Take a look at an explanation on Direct Gov. Tracey Emin is probably self-employed (being an artist) which means (and let’s use the £200,000 figure as an example), she will pay 8% national insurance on a sum between £5,715 and £43,875 (on taxable profit which we’re assuming is £200,000 heading her way) which works out as £3052.8. At 1% NI on the remainder of the taxable profits she’ll pay another £1561.25.

This all means a total bill on her side of £80,838.80 which translates to 40.42% (rounded up) of her yearly income going on tax. This presumes no exemptions or naughty ways of getting around taxable income that the wealthy with their clever and highly-paid accounts manage to employ.

So no Tracey, you’re not going to pay 65p on the pound on income tax and national insurance. You’ll pay about 40p overall. But thanks for weighing in on the topic.

If you think any of my figures are incorrect, please do get in contact and enlighten me.

Saw this video on Engadget showcasing the work of Konttori – he’s got SNES emulation working on the N900 OS (Maemo) and he’s got it hooked up to both the TV and a Wii-mote. As aardWolf on Engadget says:

Ha! So he tweaked it to run on a TV with the Wiimote. Now if he could only stick it in a dedicated box with power so it didn’t run off of batteries.

Nintendo could make a ton of money selling it… We could call it the “Wii”.

Here’s the video and the author’s blog:

According to the BBC, David MacKay (who will be the government’s new energy advisor) has warned that if we don’t step up our conversion to greener energy, we will start facing blackouts when we phase out coal and nuclear power stations.

I’m not really sure of the veracity of this story and it could simply be a piece of ‘Flat Earth News‘. I doubt the Government would allow the phasing out of the plants if it would lead to significant blackouts. However hyperbolic the claim, it does contain an important message: we should be switching as far as possible to greener sources of energy. I’m seriously considering investing in putting solar panels on my roof so that in the summer I can start using solar energy instead of energy from the grid. I’m still investigating the possibility.

In the mean time, remember to do the basics: switch off your lights when you’re not using them or when they’re not necessary; do unplug your electronic equipment when you’re not using it and (this is rarely done), do write to your local businesses and MPs and complain about the habit of leaving on lights, signs, televisual equipment etc throughout the night.

The recording industry isn’t the only one failing to move with the times and adopt new business models. Arnaud Nourry, of French publishing group Hachette Livre said to the FT:

“On the one hand, you have millions of books for free where there is no longer an author to pay and, on the other hand, there are very recent books, bestsellers at $9.99, which means that all the rest will have to be sold at between zero and $9.99,”

According to the FT, he also complains that the trade in the hardback industry could be destroyed by e-book pricing.

Good.

I’m not sure why he complains about providing millions of books for free (presumably both where copyright has expired and so-called ‘orphan works’), but whining about how publishers won’t make money on books anymore really doesn’t cut it for me.

The digital book or e-book is really beginning to make headway. The Amazon Kindle is driving it in the right direction. No, it doesn’t have the tactile satisfaction of holding (or smelling the chemicals lacing the pages of) a real book. Conversely, it will work out cheaper. No more purchasing fiction for £19.99+ on release for a hardback. No more clutter. No more lost books. And it transcends books. I’m fed up of waiting for my subscriptions to arrive. When the Royal Mail does get my magazines and journals to the right address, they’re inevitably late and out-of-date. I’ve been waiting for an issue of Private Eye for a month now. As magazines and newspapers transition to an electronic format (no, not webpages) you can subscribe and receive the new editions first thing in the morning. I could even see stores like WHSmith and newsagents saving space and time – imagine a coin-operated machine: plug in Kindle Version x, pop in 20-50p, press a button for the relevant newspaper and you’re off with your digital read.

Yes, it will probably drive down prices for publishers. It will also drive down costs. It should also increase consumer demand.

So, weigh up the amount of recycling and rubbish we’ll avoid (we love you mother earth!), the amount we as consumers will save and the convenience and sustainability of the system against missing the look and feel of a book… I know which option I choose.

It has been widely reported now that Megrahi may not, after all, die within three months. For example:

The Telegraph
The Daily Mail
The Daily Express

As you should expect, it is the usual ragtag tabloid nonsense. The articles tend to muddle Scots law (the ‘less than three months to live’ is a guideline not a requirement). None of the articles touches on Megrahi’s probable innocence. Most seem to conclude that this indicates the existence of outside pressures which would may render the ‘compassion’ a convenient lie, exercised to give in to pressure. What is that alleged external influence? And oil agreement between the UK and Libya.

Again, the tabloids get it wrong. If you read the actual report, it’s clear that consensus on Megrahi was:

1. He has metastatic prostate cancer;
2. the cancer is, as far as they can tell, aggressive:

Factors suggesting a poorer prognosis are more numerous and weigh more heavily – the histological type of his tumour, the stage of his cancer at diagnosis, his psychological wellbeing, the passage of treatments which have been appropriate but have offered only transient success. Biochemical markers of disease once again indicate high activity and likely progression of his disease. However, no other marker or investigation would offer a more accurate barometer of prognosis to assess his clinical condition.;

3.  the initial prognosis as of Autumn 2008 was 12-24 months:

On diagnosis in autumn 2008,specialist clinical consensus gave this prognosis: and in the absence of a good response to treatment, survival could be in the order of months to many months rather than years.’ Pressed to offer a more specific estimate, there was an informal mid-estimate of 18-24 months.;

4. the cancer is resistant to hormonal treatment, significantly reducing his life-expectancy:

People who respond to hormonal treatment can hope for many years of disease suppression and even in the worst case scenario, one would have hoped for 2 years or more of disease control with hormone therapy[...] In June and July 2009, assessment by a range of specialists reached [the] consensus that the disease was, after several different trials of treatment, “hormone resistant” – that is, resistant to any treatment options of known effectiveness. Consensus on prognosis, therefore, has now moved to the lower end of expectations from 10 months ago.

Factors suggesting a

poorer prognosis are more numerous and weigh more heavily – the histological type of his

tumour, the stage of his cancer at diagnosis, his psychological wellbeing, the passage of

treatments which have been appropriate but have offered only transient success. Biochemical

markers of disease once again indicate high activity and likely progression of his

disease. However, no other marker or investigation would offer a more accurate barometer

of prognosis to assess his clinical condition.=;

So what can we conclude? Megrahi is, barring a freak accident or other sudden medical condition, going to die from his prostate cancer. The cancer is resistant to hormone-treatment and his prognosis is not good. He could live up to 12 months, ie he will probably die before Autumn 2010. But remember, the initial prognosis was 12-24 months which means that there is an increased probability he will die some time between now and Autumn 2010. This does make a three-month prognosis a reasonable one.

Moreover, as I have mentioned (and read the report I linked to), Megrahi is probably a victim of a miscarriage of justice comparable to the sentencing of the Guildford Four and the Birmingham Six. Every day he spent rotting in prison was another day we will have to atone for if we ever learn the truth of the bombing.

Was the leave really compassionate? I’m not so sure. The Scots prefaced the release with statements like “show Megrahi the compassion he never showed his victims” and Americans have been happily portraying the Scots and, by extension, the British people as a whole as “weak on terror”. Unfortunately the fact of his likely innocence has rarely made its way into popular discourse. Megrahi had to make a choice: appeal and die in prison (but possibly clear your name) or drop your appeal and be released to die with your family and lose the chance of clearing your sullied name. It was a damned tough choice.

As for external influences? Yes, the oil deal would probably have factored into the decision, no matter what the various ministers say; it’s politics. What I think probably had a greater influence on the release was the possibility of Megrahi succeeding in his appeal or, at the very least, severely embarrassing the Scottish legal system and the UK government. Here’s hoping the Lockerbie situation is properly investigated (as many of the victims’ families want), the real killers and planners are found, and Megrahi’s name is cleared before he passes away.