Tie Your Camel

Paul (2011)

Camel — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 17:39:24 +0000

"OH NO! A BAD MOVIE!"

If you were expecting a great film, you’ll be disappointed. It’s far from great. If you’re a fan of the Pegg-Frost combo, you’ll probably be expecting an exceptional comedy, along the lines of Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz. You’ll also leave disappointed. This is a great shame; Paul had the potential to be an excellent film.

So what went wrong? The premise is OK – two geeks from England tour Sci-Fi/Alien landing sites in the US in an RV but encounter a lovable alien (the eponymous lead) and embark on a cat and mouse adventure to get Paul to safety. The film stumbles over its poor plot, hit & miss jokes and a terrible love-interest side plot. Oh, and a lot of the jokes that miss the most seem to be easy homophobic rubbish: “Oh two men travelling in a camper, what are you guys? Some kind of gay?.” Ho. Ho. Ho. Throw on the fire some really bad and facile creationism humour – “let’s deconstruct the design argument for the existence of God in 5 seconds guys” – and you’re left with a Beavis and Butthead Do America and Dude, Where’s My Car? combo, lacking the humour of the former and resembling the latter far too much.

Rating: ★★★★★★½☆☆☆

Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen (2010) Some interesting issues are raised but the film is let...

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Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen (2010)

Camel — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 23:12:33 +0000

Suprisingly not about S&M Fetishism

As you can probably tell from the poster (left), this film is a little confused. An “homage” to Kato? Perhaps. A little too much leather? Definitely. The poster is emblematic of the problems in the film; it’s a confused mess, lurching from historical drama to comedic superhero fantasy. The film suffers as a result.

If you’re a fan of good old Chinese and Hong Kong martial arts movies, you’ll have encountered the fictional character of Chen Zhen. Bruce Lee was Chen Zhen in Fist of Fury, Jet Li in Fist of Legend (and his real master in Huo YuanJia/Fearless). Donnie Yen takes up the reins to go beyond the traditional semi-historical narrative to explore what might have happened if Chen Zhen survived.

We see Chen Zhen go from First World War hero – and this is something we’ll explore in a moment – to Shanghai dandy-by-day leather-clad chauffeurtastic superhero-by-night who fights against the one-dimensional Japanese with the aim of Chinese unity in mind. The attempt to replicate the martial arts narrative of the traditional story – Japanese sensei does something horrible while the Japanese are oppressing the Chinese and Chinese martial arts superstar overcomes adversity to defeat the Sensei and his students – falls somewhat flat. Sideplot elements like the band-of-brothers camaraderie between Chen and his war friends, the nods to current Chinese political trends and the love-interest side plot that rather clumsily try to paint a sympathetic picture of a double agent do not meet their full potential but are at least attempts to present a sophisticated multiple-threaded narrative. It is promising for future martial arts films.

It then ruins the promise it does have with its clumsy attempts at comedy and turning Chen Zhen into a Scarlet Pimpernel figure decked out in what is quite obviously a reference to the Green Hornet’s Kato. It’s really not necessary. A nod to The Iron Monkey would have been somewhat less embarrassing for all involved.

The film’s most interesting facet is its dig at Western nations for the lack of recognition of the role of the Chinese in the First World War. This is certainly something that needs much more than a footnote in school curricula and I was glad to see the first 15 or 20 minutes dedicated to a First World War scenario.

If you’re interested in the genre, it’s worth a watch. If, however, you’re not interested in martial arts or Chinese films, this film is probably something you’ll want to pass by.

Rating: ★★★★★½☆☆☆☆

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The Future of 3D TV

Camel — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 17:03:20 +0000

What is the future of 3DTV?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last year, you’ll have heard of the coming of 3D TV. We’ve had it at cinemas long enough for it to become mainstream and the adoption of 3D by Sky for its higher-level subscriptions threatens to bring it right into households much quicker than I expected. Samsung’s offering a decent 50″ 3DTV with three sets of 3D glasses for under £1000, within a year we’ll be seeing excellent televisions in the 40″ range for a few hundred pounds less than that.

But do we really want it? With HDTV there’s a clear difference between the quality of a given medium and the difference in quality and resulting enjoyment is probably greater than that between DVD and VHS. Is this the case with 3DTV? No, not yet. The greatest uses of 3D in cinema are shock moments (weapon/car flying out from the screen), popping vistas (eg sweeps of buildings) and the like. Adding general depth is not something valued by the general public. Or is it?

The answer will come this time next year as more households adopt 3DTVs. With games consoles, TVs and PCs now embracing 3D – Call of Duty: Black Ops will allow 3D playing – it looks like the media-makers have made up their minds.

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iPad cellular data trouble?

Camel — Mon, 31 May 2010 09:39:05 +0000

Hey guys, yes like many of you I’m an early adopter and I love new technology. Just a brief note today – I had problems with the iPad’s cellular data (3G) on o2. I couldn’t find a way to set up an account to start a 3G service. But I found the solution and it was an easy one: plug your iPad into iTunes and update. I’d already plugged it in the first time I used it without any update so it may be new. You’ll get an update to your cellular data settings which will give you the option of setting up an account.

Easy peasy.

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South Park Censorship

Camel — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 15:34:38 +0000

I imagine some of you South Park fans in the UK have managed to catch the 200th and 201st episodes of the show and perhaps even read about some of the resultant controversy. In between the 200th and 201st episode, Trey Parker and Matt Stone (creators of South Park) came under studio pressure from the bigwigs at Comedy Central after implied death threats were posted on a New-York based internet message board called ‘Revolution Muslim’. Parker and Stone went on with the show but the every mention (visual and aural) of the Prophet Muhammed was censored.

Now the context: South Park’s been at the centre of numerous controversies over the years and they’ve not taken any prisoners. Various religions and races are regularly parodied and insulted, Hollywood actors of every stripe are ridiculed, disabilities, homosexuality etc etc are thoroughly target for jokes, sometimes even abuse. Just before the 200th episode, Eric Cartman verbally crucifies the Pope over the Catholic child-molestation controversy. This was not the first time they’ve had to censor a depiction of Muhammed – their episode featuring a Family Guy piss-take was censored. They have, however, previously been free to poke fun at Islam/Muslims (along with the other myriad targets). Take for example Mr. Garrison’s song ‘Merry Fucking Christmas’:

‘I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus, they have different religious beliefs.
They believe in Muhammed, and not in our holiday,
And so every December I go to the Middle East and say:
Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry fucking Christmas,
Put down your book the Quran and hear some holy wishes.
In case you hadn’t noticed it’s Jesus’ birthday,
So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate’

They’ve had other moments – Mr Garrison talking about Muslims being pissed off because they can’t have sex or the Prophet Muhammed being part of the ‘Super best friends’ where he has the power of fire. Then the Jyllands Posten controversy happened and since that point the networks have censored themselves fairly vigorously.

The show should have been aired completely uncensored. There’s a time for self-censorship and a time to avoid it and this was the latter.

Firstly, the depictions of Muhammed have been pretty benign and saccharine. Compared to virtually any other group, Muslims have been getting off light on South Park.

Secondly, if you’re a serious Muslim, why care about some silly jokes Kafirun will make? Why care so much? There are many, many worse problems Muslims face in the US than a depiction of a Prophet in a bear suit. The attitude of Fox News where their ‘guests’ routinely talk about Islam being ‘evil’ or Muslims deserving ‘special treatment’ at airports etc. These are the real problems in American media. Let people joke as much as they like! It’s when a joke becomes a mean-spirited attack on all Muslims that a Muslim should worry and even then the best response is to ignore it or fight back with your own humour.

Thirdly, if you find others depicting the prophet to be insulting then you should find pretty much anything on television insulting: the depictions of sex and violence routine in American dramas, men and women playing on their sexual tension, Christian evangelism etc. etc. If you do find these offensive, the solution is simple: do not watch American television. You have the choice not to watch what you find offensive and you should exercise it. Let others think and feel what they like, so long as they aren’t directly hurting you or others, it should be none of your concern.

Fourthly, in countries like the US, Muslims live under a secular rule and we generally live pretty well. I hate hearing arguments like “there’s no freedom in Islamic countries, therefore Muslims should shut the hell up when in our country”. It’s a stupid logical fallacy based on a small kernel of truth: if we do not enjoy the freedoms in the US or the UK, we should try our best to change it legally or move abroad to somewhere where it is more to your liking. Having sampled the freedoms available in the UK, Europe, China and the Middle East, I still find the UK the best of all. As unpleasant as it may be to hear ignorant folks on the news saying outrageous things about Muslims (e.g. the horrendous toad, Melanie Phillips), it is infinitely more unpleasant to be worried about the Mukhaberat listening in on you in Jordan (or any other Arabic country) , or that the page you’re visiting on the internet will get you thrown out of your Chinese educational institution.

Lastly, there’s an element of this being a self-created drama. Censorship would have likely happened even if that “Revolution Muslim” group hadn’t made the implied threat. By responding in such a heavy handed manner, Comedy Central has created a fuss that I, like many other Muslims, would have liked nothing to do with beyond enjoying another humorous episode of South Park. It highlights Muslims as crazed, radical, insane, manipulative and ready to kill at the drop of a hat. Note that other death threats are not treated in the same vein – writers like Norman Finkelstein, Robert Fisk et all have routinely received death threats from various groups (among other unpleasant writings). The fact is it is easy to write and to threaten, especially when it is apparently so easy to leverage quick results. It is much harder to commit the deed – and if we look at examples where it has happened it is after some really vigorous, hateful and disgusting attacks.

It is also, apparently, now, much harder to press forward against censorship, and that’s a problem for all of us.

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Why not have your cake and eat it?

Camel — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:19:55 +0000

The Cake Is A Lie

I sometimes get mildly irritated when someone says ‘You just want to have your cake and eat it’. Well of course I do! I presumably have the cake because I want to ruddy eat it. I don’t buy a cake to stare at it longingly and whisper sweet nothings into its icing.

Someone brought this expression up recently (or I’ve just decided to blog about it and I’m using ‘someone’ as a subtle narrative device) and I explained it to him as I have done to anyone else I’ve encountered: it’s better said ‘to eat your cake and have it (too)’. This is not something hard to discover on a quick google search. Wikipedia’s got an explanation here, the choice bits being:

The phrase’s earliest recording is from 1546 as “wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?” (John Heywood’s ‘A dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue’) alluding to the impossibility of eating your cake and still having it afterwards; the modern version (where the clauses are reversed) is a corruption which was first signaled in 1812.

So remember – from now on impress your friends and family and become the life of parties everywhere by saying “eat your cake and have it” and then deconstruct the inevitable surely-you-means that will follow. Or play New Super Mario Bros Wii instead (why not eat your cake and have it by doing both?).

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Review: James Cameron’s Avatar

Camel — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 22:54:04 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

About four months ago I was invited to watch a long preview of James Cameron‘s hugely expensive ‘Avatar’. I predicted it would be ‘Pocahontas in Space’. I continued:

Civilised-but-crippled (just physically?) white man gets out of his depth in an alien world, has his life saved by a native woman (with a strange accent!), slowly assimilates into their culture and way of living managing inexplicably to better the natives at their own way of life before, for some reason, the white civilised culture (with token ethnic characters) tries to ‘save’ or attempts to eradicate the native population.

It turns out I was exactly right. If you’re looking for a highly-original plot, Avatar’s not the film for you. But then Cameron’s speciality isn’t really originality; it’s the ability to take a cliche and make it fun, exciting and interesting. And I have to admit that I was misguided in my expectations. I thought the film would be terrible. I was wrong. It’s an awesome cliched monster of a film that is best enjoyed in a cinema with a big screen.

So what is it really all about? A former marine, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), gets roped into working with the ‘Avatar Program’ on an alien world (‘Pandora’ – what will happen when we open up this box I wonder!). The program’s a corporate-bought scientific exploration into the planet’s native flora, fauna and ‘indigenous’. Sully’s role? To replace his brother (and save the company money regrowing an ‘Avatar’) and to use his marine expertise to safeguard the science crews. He also has another mission: to spy on the indigenes to find a way to remove them from their central home-place; a giant tree called ‘the Mother Tree’. In this he’s enlisted by a hard-ass Patton-type character, Colonol Quaritch (Stephen Lang) and Mr Big Corporate Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi).

Nothing original here. Cold-hearted Sully, uncaring cog in the colonial machine lives with the indigenes for a while and ‘goes native’. He realises how awesome their way of life is and does all he can to protect it. He bests the natives at their own game and becomes a demi-God/chieftain in the process. We’ve seen it all before: Pocahontas, Dances With Wolves, The Last Samurai etc.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The dialogue is not great and at times it’s pretty atrocious. The actors manage to lift the film above its hideous script and the awkwardness sometimes becomes more convincing when delivered by any of the ‘Na’vi’ or Sam Worthington. Subtlety isn’t really present in this film’s themes. The indigenes are more in tune with the environment than the colonisers who view them as savages? Well I never! I have expected the characters to burst into ‘Colors of the Wind’. There are even some Ferngully-esque bulldozers romping around.

The CG, however, is top-notch – monumental even. But then again what did we expect from a Cameron film? He’s gone beyond the CG and created an entire eco-system. Although the Biological Internet and hair connections aren’t very convincing, he’s at least consistent. Most of the animals have six legs, suggesting a common ancestry. The flora is lush and varied.

This is not really a film – it’s a spectacle. I doubt it would be as interesting on the small screen (yes, even in HD on our large HD Televisions). It needs a large, clear screen, a set of 3D glasses and a throbbing sound from high-quality speakers. You don’t want to over-analyse it; just enjoy the ride. Go watch it while it’s still available!

Rating:

Rating: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

NB – I would have rated this film more highly had it had something resembling decent dialogue. As it stands it’s really good fun but not much more. It should make an excellent game but, apparently, the tie-in they’ve licensed is predictably terrible (tie-in curse). Perhaps an MMORPG will some day be in the works?

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Watch Godard’s ’2 or 3 Things I Know About Her’ today for free on The Auteurs

Camel — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 12:33:24 +0000

If you’re interested in the work of ‘nouvelle vague’ director Jean-Luc Godard, you mustn’t miss the chance to catch his classic film ‘2 or 3 Things I Know About Her‘ (’2 ou 3 choses que je sais d’elle’) free on The Auteurs today. You can find it here: http://www.theauteurs.com/stellaartois (18+, UK Only).

It’s a fantastic film and the last free French classic on the Auteurs. You can now watch the previous films featured in the festival (for a fee) to watch on demand on the Auteurs now.

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Watch Chris Marker’s ‘La Jetée’ free on The Auteurs today

Camel — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 15:59:09 +0000

Chris Marker's La Jetee

If you’re interested in the work of ‘nouvelle vague’ director Chris Marker, you mustn’t miss the chance to catch his classic film ‘La Jetée‘ free on The Auteurs today. You can find it here: http://bit.ly/tasrd(18+, UK Only). It was the inspiration behind Gilliam‘s great ’12 Monkeys’ and is an excellent example of a ‘photo-roman’. Fans of French cinema or sci-fi classic shouldn’t miss this opportunity!

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Watch Godard’s ‘Vivre Sa Vie’ today free on The Auteurs

Camel — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 17:10:30 +0000

Godard's 'Vivre Sa Vie'

If you’re a fan of Jean-Luc Godard or any cinema from ‘la nouvelle vague’ in general, you should take the opportunity to watch what is one of his best films, for free on independent/classic film website ‘The Auteurs’. You can watch it here: http://www.theauteurs.com/stellaartois (18+, UK Only)

They’re showing ‘La jetée’ tomorrow, which is a great film and the inspiration behind ‘Twelve Monkeys’.

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