Tie Your Camel

Suprisingly not about S&M Fetishism

As you can probably tell from the poster (left), this film is a little confused. An “homage” to Kato? Perhaps. A little too much leather? Definitely. The poster is emblematic of the problems in the film; it’s a confused mess, lurching from historical drama to comedic superhero fantasy. The film suffers as a result.

If you’re a fan of good old Chinese and Hong Kong martial arts movies, you’ll have encountered the fictional character of Chen Zhen. Bruce Lee was Chen Zhen in Fist of Fury, Jet Li in Fist of Legend (and his real master in Huo YuanJia/Fearless). Donnie Yen takes up the reins to go beyond the traditional semi-historical narrative to explore what might have happened if Chen Zhen survived.

We see Chen Zhen go from First World War hero – and this is something we’ll explore in a moment – to Shanghai dandy-by-day leather-clad chauffeurtastic superhero-by-night who fights against the one-dimensional Japanese with the aim of Chinese unity in mind. The attempt to replicate the martial arts narrative of the traditional story – Japanese sensei does something horrible while the Japanese are oppressing the Chinese and Chinese martial arts superstar overcomes adversity to defeat the Sensei and his students – falls somewhat flat. Sideplot elements like the band-of-brothers camaraderie between Chen and his war friends, the nods to current Chinese political trends and the love-interest side plot that rather clumsily try to paint a sympathetic picture of a double agent do not meet their full potential but are at least attempts to present a sophisticated multiple-threaded narrative. It is promising for future martial arts films.

It then ruins the promise it does have with its clumsy attempts at comedy and turning Chen Zhen into a Scarlet Pimpernel figure decked out in what is quite obviously a reference to the Green Hornet’s Kato. It’s really not necessary. A nod to The Iron Monkey would have been somewhat less embarrassing for all involved.

The film’s most interesting facet is its dig at Western nations for the lack of recognition of the role of the Chinese in the First World War. This is certainly something that needs much more than a footnote in school curricula and I was glad to see the first 15 or 20 minutes dedicated to a First World War scenario.

If you’re interested in the genre, it’s worth a watch. If, however, you’re not interested in martial arts or Chinese films, this film is probably something you’ll want to pass by.

Rating:  

I imagine some of you South Park fans in the UK have managed to catch the 200th and 201st episodes of the show and perhaps even read about some of the resultant controversy. In between the 200th and 201st episode, Trey Parker and Matt Stone (creators of South Park) came under studio pressure from the bigwigs at Comedy Central after implied death threats were posted on a New-York based internet message board called ‘Revolution Muslim’. Parker and Stone went on with the show but the every mention (visual and aural) of the Prophet Muhammed was censored.

Now the context: South Park’s been at the centre of numerous controversies over the years and they’ve not taken any prisoners. Various religions and races are regularly parodied and insulted, Hollywood actors of every stripe are ridiculed, disabilities, homosexuality etc etc are thoroughly target for jokes, sometimes even abuse. Just before the 200th episode, Eric Cartman verbally crucifies the Pope over the Catholic child-molestation controversy. This was not the first time they’ve had to censor a depiction of Muhammed – their episode featuring a Family Guy piss-take was censored. They have, however, previously been free to poke fun at Islam/Muslims (along with the other myriad targets). Take for example Mr. Garrison’s song ‘Merry Fucking Christmas’:

‘I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus, they have different religious beliefs.
They believe in Muhammed, and not in our holiday,
And so every December I go to the Middle East and say:
Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry fucking Christmas,
Put down your book the Quran and hear some holy wishes.
In case you hadn’t noticed it’s Jesus’ birthday,
So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate’

They’ve had other moments – Mr Garrison talking about Muslims being pissed off because they can’t have sex or the Prophet Muhammed being part of the ‘Super best friends’ where he has the power of fire. Then the Jyllands Posten controversy happened and since that point the networks have censored themselves fairly vigorously.

The show should have been aired completely uncensored. There’s a time for self-censorship and a time to avoid it and this was the latter.

Firstly, the depictions of Muhammed have been pretty benign and saccharine. Compared to virtually any other group, Muslims have been getting off light on South Park.

Secondly, if you’re a serious Muslim, why care about some silly jokes Kafirun will make? Why care so much? There are many, many worse problems Muslims face in the US than a depiction of a Prophet in a bear suit. The attitude of Fox News where their ‘guests’ routinely talk about Islam being ‘evil’ or Muslims deserving ‘special treatment’ at airports etc. These are the real problems in American media. Let people joke as much as they like! It’s when a joke becomes a mean-spirited attack on all Muslims that a Muslim should worry and even then the best response is to ignore it or fight back with your own humour.

Thirdly, if you find others depicting the prophet to be insulting then you should find pretty much anything on television insulting: the depictions of sex and violence routine in American dramas, men and women playing on their sexual tension, Christian evangelism etc. etc. If you do find these offensive, the solution is simple: do not watch American television. You have the choice not to watch what you find offensive and you should exercise it. Let others think and feel what they like, so long as they aren’t directly hurting you or others, it should be none of your concern.

Fourthly, in countries like the US, Muslims live under a secular rule and we generally live pretty well. I hate hearing arguments like “there’s no freedom in Islamic countries, therefore Muslims should shut the hell up when in our country”. It’s a stupid logical fallacy based on a small kernel of truth: if we do not enjoy the freedoms in the US or the UK, we should try our best to change it legally or move abroad to somewhere where it is more to your liking. Having sampled the freedoms available in the UK, Europe, China and the Middle East, I still find the UK the best of all. As unpleasant as it may be to hear ignorant folks on the news saying outrageous things about Muslims (e.g. the horrendous toad, Melanie Phillips), it is infinitely more unpleasant to be worried about the Mukhaberat listening in on you in Jordan (or any other Arabic country) , or that the page you’re visiting on the internet will get you thrown out of your Chinese educational institution.

Lastly, there’s an element of this being a self-created drama. Censorship would have likely happened even if that “Revolution Muslim” group hadn’t made the implied threat. By responding in such a heavy handed manner, Comedy Central has created a fuss that I, like many other Muslims, would have liked nothing to do with beyond enjoying another humorous episode of South Park.  It highlights Muslims as crazed, radical, insane, manipulative and ready to kill at the drop of a hat. Note that other death threats are not treated in the same vein – writers like Norman Finkelstein, Robert Fisk et all have routinely received death threats from various groups (among other unpleasant writings). The fact is it is easy to write and to threaten, especially when it is apparently so easy to leverage quick results. It is much harder to commit the deed – and if we look at examples where it has happened it is after some really vigorous, hateful and disgusting attacks.

It is also, apparently, now, much harder to press forward against censorship, and that’s a problem for all of us.

I’ve been asked a few times now the actual Arabic source of the saying “Tie your camel” or “Trust in God but tie up your camel”. If you click on this link, you’ll get an introduction to the story behind it. If you’re interested in the actual Arabic, then it’s:

1) Hadeeth: ‘Be wise [first] and [then] trust [in God]‘ :

A3qil wa tawkkl.

2) Arabic Proverb: ‘Trust in God but tie up your camel’:

Thiq billah wa lakin irbiT jamalek

Idiom the Third

Plugging One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell (Lit. ‘Cover ears steal bell’)

Story behind the idiom: During the Spring and Autumn Period, a man in the Kingdom of Jin took a liking to a bell and decided to steal it. The bell was very large and heavy, so he decided to smash it to pieces with a hammer and take it with him in bits. Fearing that he might be heard when the hammer struck the bell, he covered his ears and started to smash up the bell.

Meaning of idiom: used to describe those who think they are smart but deceive themselves.

Idiom the Second

Notching the Boat to Find the Sword (Lit. ‘Carve boat seek sword’)

During the Warring States period, a man in the Kingdom of Chu had a beautiful sword which he loved dearly. One day, while on a river in a boat, the sword somehow dropped off the boat and fell into the river. The man came up with a clever idea: he made a notch on the side of the boat at the spot where the sword fell overboard. When the boat reached the shore, he jumped from the boat around the area where he made the notch and started searching the water for his beloved sword.

Meaning of the idiom:  Those who follow rigid rules will not always logically apply them or will apply them in a stupid manner.