Tie Your Camel

The Cake Is A Lie

I sometimes get mildly irritated when someone says ‘You just want to have your cake and eat it’. Well of course I do! I presumably have the cake because I want to ruddy eat it. I don’t buy a cake to stare at it longingly and whisper sweet nothings into its icing.

Someone brought this expression up recently (or I’ve just decided to blog about it and I’m using ’someone’ as a subtle narrative device) and I explained it to him as I have done to anyone else I’ve encountered: it’s better said ‘to eat your cake and have it (too)’. This is not something hard to discover on a quick google search. Wikipedia’s got an explanation here, the choice bits being:

The phrase’s earliest recording is from 1546 as “wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?” (John Heywood’s ‘A dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue’) alluding to the impossibility of eating your cake and still having it afterwards; the modern version (where the clauses are reversed) is a corruption which was first signaled in 1812.

So remember – from now on impress your friends and family and become the life of parties everywhere by saying “eat your cake and have it” and then deconstruct the inevitable surely-you-means that will follow. Or play New Super Mario Bros Wii instead (why not eat your cake and have it by doing both?).

Quentin Tarentino may be dyslexic

I’ve been a fan of Tarentino since I can remember. Most of his movies are great. I didn’t really enjoy Grindhouse etc. but I did like Jackie Brown and Kill Bill (go figure). When I first read that he was making a movie about a group of Jews being assembled to kill as many Nazis as they could, I didn’t know whether it would be a massive cheese-fest or a great movie.

Turns out that it’s great – at times brilliant – movie, with some seriously disturbing parts. I don’t mean gory; this is one of Tarentino’s least gory movies. It is disturbing because of the treatment of some of the Jewish and some of the German characters.

The Plot in ‘Brief’

A group of narratives weave themselves together to the finale. The first major narrative involves Brad Pitt and his crack squad of Jewish soldiers looking to land in Germany and ‘kill us some Nazis’. The second major narrative concerns a Jewish girl called Shoshanah, whose parents are brutally murdered at the beginning of the movie by a wicked SS officer nicknamed the ‘Jew Hunter’.

The second narrative on its own (maybe with some minor tweaks) would have made a great WWII movie. Jewish girl whose family are murdered by the SS. She manages to run away and hide and then plot revenge on the regime that caused her pain. Bam, that’s a movie right there.

The first narrative is the one that contains the most disturbing elements. Eli Roth is a terrible actor and should probably stick to directing. He spends the movie as an unlikable Jewish soldier who specialises in beating Germans to death with baseball bats. There’s a scene in the movie where a German squad has been captured. They threaten to kill the leader of the group if he doesn’t reveal German positions. He refuses and Eli Roth comes out and beats him to death with a baseball bat. The German soldier comes across as exceedingly brave and polite. The “Fuck you Jews” sentiment feels almost tacked on as if to justify his brutal killing in what is clearly a war crime.

Later on in the film we have literal Jewish Suicide bombers indiscriminately gunning down people in a crowd inside a movie theatre, then setting themselves off. Disturbing much? Some of those killed are parts of the Nazi high command, but others are clearly civilian. Women, maybe children as well are killed with equal sadistic thrill.

Shoshanah on the other hand, is instantly likeable. She is strong and independent and clearly has a knack for survival. She’s beautiful, but doesn’t fall for heroic charms, instead having a relationship with a selfless black man. She spends most of the movie being ardently pursued by a German war hero named ‘Koller’. He is dashing, pleasant, fluent in French and German and an arrogant-but-likeable fellow. This makes it more the shame that Tarentino decided to blow character to the wind and have him threaten to all but rape Shoshanah. In another unebelievable twist, he holds on to his life long enough to kill our heroine who never lives to see her revenge fulfilled. The one character in the story who has the most personal need for revenge and who has apparently lost the most, never gets to see it.

The plot aside – the cinematography is excellent, although the soundtrack is at times artificial. The pacing is perfect, bouncing between action, horror and moments of sheer comedy. The narratives intertwine well and the performances are generally excellent. Brad Pitt is on form (probably his best role since Fight Club) and Christoph Waltz pulls off the best performance in the film (and probably in any of Tarentino’s films) as the evil, slimy and self-serving Hans Landa. He effortlessly flits between English, German, French and Italian and performs what should be an oscar-winning performance. Throughout the movie you’ll find yourself increasingly self-loathing for coming to like the vicious sadist. This is not your standard cookie-cutter evil SS man.

Final Verdict

Probably the best movie Tarantino has made since Pulp Fiction. I am impressed with the way he has handled the plethora of languages and culturally-diverse actors in the film and that alone should shape cinema for the next generation. At times truly disturbing and maybe over the top; what do you expect? It’s Tarentino.

Idiom the Third

Plugging One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell (Lit. ‘Cover ears steal bell’)

Story behind the idiom: During the Spring and Autumn Period, a man in the Kingdom of Jin took a liking to a bell and decided to steal it. The bell was very large and heavy, so he decided to smash it to pieces with a hammer and take it with him in bits. Fearing that he might be heard when the hammer struck the bell, he covered his ears and started to smash up the bell.

Meaning of idiom: used to describe those who think they are smart but deceive themselves.

Idiom the Second

Notching the Boat to Find the Sword (Lit. ‘Carve boat seek sword’)

During the Warring States period, a man in the Kingdom of Chu had a beautiful sword which he loved dearly. One day, while on a river in a boat, the sword somehow dropped off the boat and fell into the river. The man came up with a clever idea: he made a notch on the side of the boat at the spot where the sword fell overboard. When the boat reached the shore, he jumped from the boat around the area where he made the notch and started searching the water for his beloved sword.

Meaning of the idiom:  Those who follow rigid rules will not always logically apply them or will apply them in a stupid manner.

Idiom the First

Calling a Stag a Horse (Lit. ‘Point deer as/is  horse’)

Story behind the idiom:

During the reign of the second emperor of the Qin Dynasty (Qin Er Shi), his chief minister, a eunuch called Zhao Gao, exerted great influence over the court. He started to plot to usurp the throne. Fearing that other ministers would oppose this, he readied a test for them.

When they were assembled in front of the emperor, he brought out a deer as a gift and said “This is a horse.”

The emperor laughed, and replied “You must be joking; this is a deer!”

Zhao turned to the ministers and said “Well, tell the Emperor… is this a deer or a horse?”

Some ministers kept silent, some said that it was a deer and others agreed that it was indeed a horse. Those who hadn’t called it a horse were promptly executed

Meaning of the Idiom: Distorting facts, calling black white and white black.